Wot, no cheese???

*There's a bright golden haze on the meadooooooooooooooooooooooooooow!!! There's a bright golden haze on the meadowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... the corn is as high as an elephant's .......

Morninggggggggggggggggggg!! Beautfiul day here!! And it was a booootiful weekend...

Much of the chirruping and squeaking wildlife bout here have escaped Jasper's murderous tendencies, a robin has decided to take its life in its hands and nest in me shed... and we got to spend Saturday at the beach! Jack had a tennis tournament which... weirdly, was on the beach! So we paddled, skimmed stones, occasinally turned round to go "YYAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Jack!!!" attempting a wave, but with 5 tis hard.... more of a lapping than a wave, I feel.....

Sunday..wow... oh Sunday... I love you Suuuuuuuundayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!

Me, hubs and the kiddies and Ma n Pa n Sis and kids and... can't remember how many, just a vague memory of many short people bounding bout the place... anyhoo, we got permission to go visit one of the truly, honestly, completely ancient woods! And when I say ancient , I mean steeped in the depths of time.... OooooooooooooOOOOooooo some of the trees are from the orignal wild woods that covered Britain Before Henry VIII decided he fancied a spot of boating...

The youngest were there before the Battle of Hastings 1066... blows yer mind, doesn't it? if not, why not????

Anyway, I actually remembered me camera and, the spare batteries!! So piccies arre..... thataway!! ----->
Forogt to add... they are all still alive as well!! The trees, not the shorties...*sigh* Even though many have other trees growing outta them, and have been split by lightening, amaziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!!

He's blinkin barmy!!!!! Mad as a Hatter form Madsville!!!

Oh gawd, now what's the daft mare doin...... I can hear, you know.... *rolls eyes*

Tis Jasper!!!! Nutcase!!!! It's like having a furry rubber ball, bouncing off the walls and ceiling....!

There we were all,,"Awwww.." and "Bless....." and "Pooor little iddy biddy puddy cat with only 3 legs..." we shall cuddle him, and nurture him and make him feel all loved and *special*

Oh he's special all right... he's a killer!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If it moves, hops, slithers, crawls, he'll have it! And I have absolutely no idea how he is doing it....

How the heck is he managing it....????? I mean, he has 3 legs, for gawds sake, two at the back and one at the front..... so surely as he runs along and leans out with his front paw to grab his chosen victim.... he'd end up falling on his chin, doing an impressive forward roll.... and looking dead embarassed cos cats don't do that.... so far we've had 5 half baby rabbits, 2 mice and a bird.. not sure which kind, hard to tell from a foot..... but it was small, so I don't think it could have been a heron, or eagle..

Mind you, I have had to refrain from continuing with my physcis experiments, due to the shortage of wildlife... they have packed their crash helmets and gawn off, strike action, I do believe.... cuh...

Acutally, I am dead please cos the garden is really awash with little critters, or til Jasper finishes the lot off!! My wildflowers round the pond have began to germinate whcih has had me breaking open the bollie and celebrating, cos for yearrrrrrrrrs I've done as instructed by many a gardening guru, and happily shaken seeds all over the garden... simple, instant flowers, barely any expense.. yeah, right.. then they never blinkin gemianted, so instead of a couple of quid on plants, I ended up spending £394767230267 on seeds!... Not this year!! Whoooooooooop! This year I shall finally have a rainbow of flowers round the pond, and bees a buzzing, birdsa chirruping and Jasper.. munching.. *sigh*

Stage two.... I think I may have missed my calling, you know...

Momentum through water.....

Take 2 tadpoles.... preferably of an equal size.... tadpole 1... attach nothing, bar the iddy biddy crash helmet...... push tadpole into end of straw, insert straw into water,, take a deep breath and bloooooooooooooooooooooow.... tadpole will shoot out of straw and time, obvioulsy the amount of time it takes tadpole to reach point B, point A being the starting point..(thickie... *rolls eyes*)

Allow tadpole 1 -2 minutes to get a grip and remove from pond into training tank..

Take tadpole 2... attach one iddy biddy cone hat to it's crash helmet, thus streamlining it... proceed as before and blooooooooooooooooooooooooooow.... with the same amount of breath.... time how long it take tadpole 2, let's call this one, Neville for identification purposes (though if you can't distinguish from tadpole A as Tadpole B, I mean Neville has a cone on 'is head... *sigh* you probably should have worn glasses.....)

Return tadpoles to pond on completion of experiment, perform a strokey beard action, giving the impression of having achieved something both absolutely fascinating and vital to humanity.... and always make sure that both tadpoles have agreed to take part in this procedure, and have signed wavers....

PS if you do attempt this..(bearing in mind the many people who are now stomping and raaaaing at the thought of ill treatment of tadpoles...) do not attempt this.. these are highly trained tadpoles, and are not available to the general population.. and don't ask Ratty for any cos she is in the process of completing a frog brothel... apparently... ( I really didn't like to pursue this area of our conversation...)

If you have absolutely no idea what the heck I am on about.. well go to the back of the class.. honestly..

Hah!! I've done it!!!

I have produced a physics lesson on the subject on Momentum!!

Not too sure as to why hubs has gone wandering off in to the garden, shoulders hunched and shaking, mind you...

Right! Firstly you need 2 gerbils....

The first gerbil you attach iddy biddy roller skates too, and a crash helmet, obviously...... stand it on the floor, and whhhhhhhaaaack it on it's butt with a cushion! The gerbil free skates down the floor, time the gerbil's speed..

Second gerbil.... attach iddy biddy roller skates, crash helemt, and.. now this is very important... a prosthetic bottom....
Line the gerbil up, whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack with a cushion and.. the prosthetic bottom, crumples, thus reducing the force on the gerbil so it's speed is greatly reduced

Of course, all gerbils taking part in this experiment are members of the Elite Gerbil Stunt Division and have agreed to take part in aforementioned experiment.....

Pah! And they say physcis is hard....

I got taken out in public last night!!!!

In all me glory and had a fantastic meal, then got home to Ma and Pa, in erm.... a debate shall we say.... *sigh*

Poor Dad's bestest friend passed away last week, lovely man, wonderful sense of humour, dropped down dead at 63 from a heart attack... so Dad was in a bit of a sad mood, obviously, and Ma decided to ask him...
"So if I pop off and die, will you remarry?" Ooooooooooooooooooooooo... waited with bated breath for the response to that one.... so not a winner... he's gonna get frieeeeeeeeeeed!!!!

He pauses... he thinks, and he says...

"Good God no..." phew.." I'm not going through that again.."

Crash and Burnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!! he was sooooooooooooo close.. then lost it at the end..... *sigh* I think he meant, he couldn't go through all the dating and getting to know someone's foibles n stuff.... think.. it's what I said he meant to get Ma off the ceiling.....

So I turned to hubs and said..
"Soooo... if I pop me clogs will you remarry?"

"NOOooo sweeti, cos I wouldn't, you're irreplaceable.." Came and gave me a big hug..... smug mode....
Right answer!!!! til he said...

"No, I'll just hire a young and nubile Swedish aupair..."

Guess who I'll be haunting for the foreseeablt future.......

Whoohooooooooooooooooooooo!! The lovely JellyB and moi have booked our tickets to Gardeners World... she mentioned something about bringing a pipe.... strangely... so I um shall bring slipppers and a tooth brush to make sure I fit right on in there....! Trains, taxis and foot power shall be my mode of travel... and the worlds' largest hand bag,which I don't actually possess.... due to my remarkable talent of filling it with all things crap, crud, not needed and occasionally a really sticky 20p at the bottom, so I don't use one.. love it... I just stagger about with my jeans pockets on the floor... due to the sheer weight of coppers I end up accumulating through out the week.... *sigh* but I hate handbags now and only ever take one out after a severe pressuring from hubs and the inate need to not watch his missus jangling all over the shop, and forever pulling her jeans up.... think he should get one personally, but there we go....

I've suddenly realized I haven't mentioned the G word for a while... G word, not G spot before you wonder what the heck you're reading....... and my garden is finally coming together!! I'm looking on it as a really, really, reallllllllly long term project, as in I want box hedging to surround the lawn and herb garden, with wafty plants behind it, and since I don't have £238952896 to afford the box plants, the whole thing will have to be done on cuttings! This is one of those times I wish I was known for my patience and not to be one of these people who are prone to being a tad impulsive......! Saying that.. I have managed to get some real good bargains on ebay on the plant front, roses for 99p, all sorts of stuff, can't wait til they arrive! but be warned!! Before going on, know your plants, or you could end up paying £30 for a "very rare" Budleja.... *rolls eyes* or you could just stroll up to your local, municipal car park and hoik one up...

I'm having mixed results on the growing from seed front.. toms are doing pants, as are chillis and aubs.. but, brassicas and sweet peas, cosmos, wild flowers, cuttings etc are romping away, so I shall pot on the 4 *groan* toms I do have and remind myself that I don't actually need 54000 toms plants and 38957298 chillis, so I should be ok, as long as the remaining casualties pick up a bit and grow away!

I've been working this weekend which I was so pleased about....

And last weekend I took part in a litter picking up session in the town... gosh, that was enjoyable, in the wind and snow.. picking up other lazy gits rubbish.... but tis what I signed up for, and it was a giggle... star wars fights with them there litter picky up things.....!! Soo aftr a day of traipsing round the town and collecting used nappies from hedges... euuuuuuuuu.... we pootled off home and the chap went to go dump the litter... or tried to..... the local dump refused the litter cos they said it was commercial... eh???? How the heck is it commercial?????

So he pootled on back to the town, where a real git of a councillor was waiting and said if he didn't take the litter out of the town he'd be charged £20,000 for fly tipping..... which is, of course, just the repsonse you like, and obviously will encourage the local community to join us in our bid to rid the town of crap.. personally I'd like to start with the councillors..... in a skip, followed by the aforementioned dirty nappy......and a large load of tar....

Oh for Pete's sake.... lol, I just blogged.. and lost the blinkin thing.. *sigh* it's around here somewhere... check your pockets...!! Anyway it was dead good, really... *wanders off whistling* bout feet mainly... obviously... and now I'm outta time, and the dog needs patting, the chickens poking.. and undecided on the fish, really....

Suggestions on a postcard to...... well anyone really... I'm working all blinkin weekend.... oh bottoms.. I blame erm.....yet again, I feel the urge to say anyone!! So have a groovy weekend, and I shall keep you up to date on the foot situation.. tis very a very tense and worrying time....

shhhhhhhhhhh........ I'm in hiding...... bucketland, as I like to call it.... *sigh*... I'm hoping to be out any day soon.... as soon as hubs gets distracted by something else and not his plonkerish wife.....

Well.. one of the solar panel chappies, made it past my screening...grrr... managed to get onto the property and him and hubs sat in the Dining room discussing um.. all things sunny, I guess... I was plonked in the lounge and told in no uncertain terms, to "Do yer rag rug and stay quiet"

And I did... and hubs brought him through to meet me whilst I sat with a very forced and nervy smile on me face whilst praying the gods of trouble were busy elsewhere... all fine, off they went to circumnavigate the globe, took them foreverrrrrrrrrr to go round the house, chatting and pointing with several strokey beard, male bonding moments.... one hour passed... still quiet and rag rugging manically....2 hours... bored, bored bored bored..... hurrumph.... then in comes hubs and draws the curtains cos it's night time and starts chatting, I assume the interloper has left........ so I say...

"Ooooooooooo how was he? Was he crap? Was he completely daft and had no knowledge of solar panels? Did he smell?" whilst chortling to meself.. and unravelling me legs from the sofa.....
Silence from hubs and a......

"Keith, why don'tyou bring your coffee in here..."



Um.... I suddenyl remembered a plant that needed um.. moving... from my house to Australia.......